Off The Fence: The Most Basic Night Out in London

Yes, really

Dear Readers,

Good afternoon, and welcome to Off The Fence, a timely newsletter. There is a lot going on: Issue 24 is hoving into view, there is a book announcement coming and the weather really is very fine indeed. Our new podcast, Money’s No Object, is onto its third episode. Capital Letter has found London’s most embarrassing gallery. It’s all happening, now.

The Fence is joining the readings gravy train this evening, at the Queen of Hoxton, where we’re joining Vittles, the Real Review and more. There will be work read out loud from Ella Fox-Martens and a piece from the new issue, courtesy of Jack Beaumont. And there will be tote bags and archive jewels for sale too. There are tickets here, and the editor looks forward to meeting some of you.

Issue 23 is sold out on our webstore and in most stores in London, but copies have been spotted at WH Smith, Paddington and Waterstones, Gower Street (ground floor).

And, in an attempt to win our quarterly prize, the magazine has been spotted in some rarer and finer locales: underneath a waterfall in Portugal; outside Jeremy Beadle's home and living languorously in the park.

Where’s Damon Albarn when you need him?

The competition is coming to an end next Tuesday, so this is the last week for entries, send them through to editorial@the-fence.com or tag us on social media.

Now, If you want to make sure you are never without The Fence, then the easiest thing to do is to subscribe below. These issues continue to sell out and we are not putting the circulation up for the rest of the year.

To business. We start out in the badlands of SW11.

Play It Again

Lotte Brundle was recently sent out for a vital dispatch after we came across this video of a night out. She started out at The Pear Tree Cafe, a venue in Battersea’s luscious greenery. It’s a sea of mom jeans, balayage, awful striped shirts and a playlist that would make you yearn for the soothing sounds of a Tube tunnel: Acoustic guitar covers of Mumford & Sons, Free Fallin’, Teenage Dirtbag and Maroon 5.

But this was just a warm up for the main event – Hannah’s. And though the scenery changes, regrettably neither the playlist nor the medium changes. It’s one man and his guitar against the world, or perhaps just common sense. Nonetheless people are lining up for the occasion, and happily posting about it online.

It is truly difficult to understand the pull of such an event. Some seem to imply that this has become their only conceivable option, hemmed in by a desire for convenience or lack of options, Others have less credible reasons. One partygoer actually told our fearless correspondent that ‘The live music is soooo good’ before adding, ‘It’s nostalgic. I hope they play Sweet Caroline.’

This is London’s most basic night out.

Bad Form All Round

Last week, comedian and author David Walliams performed two Nazi salutes while filming the new series of Would I Lie to You? It made us wonder: have you ever seen DW breach etiquette in such a flagrant manner? All anecdotes, either first-hand or second-hand, can be sent to editorial@the-fence.com.

Big in Japan

We may have mentioned this before, but Matthew Whitehouse is by far the most handsome man in British journalism. But did you know that the face of The Face was the lead singer in a band called The Heartbreaks, and briefly attained teen idol status in Shinjuku? In this back-of-the-book piece from Issue 23, we tell the potted stories of a few other souls who have found fame abroad, not least the late Alex Salmond.

Off the Pints for the Foreseeable

While we do tend to highlight wry little vids in this newsletter, allow us to break that habit and direct you to a feature-length documentary about the horrors of acute alcoholism and end-stage liver disease. Set in the Medway towns of Kent, Rain in My Heart is a pioneering piece of work from the man who invented the ‘fly-on-the-wall’ format, the late Paul Watson. Watch it on iPlayer here, or here on YouTube for those further afield.

Everybody’s Talkin’

We are on the hunt for juicy new pieces, as ever. And we will lay the cards on the table: features of real quality can fetch the tidy sum of £1,000. The lead story in Issue 25 has been commissioned at that rate.

All that matters is having that key to the side door or knowing where the rope to raise the curtain lies – You do not need to be an experienced writer, everyone has at least one really good story to tell. Just have a look at our pitch guide here and email editorial@the-fence.com.

Table for Two

You may have heard her on Joe Bishop's podcast last week, but Missy Flynn’s restaurant, Rita’s, is one of the best tables in the capital, serving Modern American food in the heart of Soho. Alongside her co-founder, Gabriel Pryce, they serve gilda’d martinis; mixed grills high on the hogget; salted palomas; devilled eggs – all at a keen price and slinky atmosphere on Lexington Street. You can follow them on Instagram to check out the changing menu or make a booking right here for when you’ve earned the right to go big in town.

Silencing the Haters

Back in Issue 7, Dan Brady mapped out contemporary modes of hatred that Adam Curtis inspires, so that you could locate their political and epistemological roots. It reads just as perfectly four years later.

In Case You Missed It

Bring forth your nominations for the Tiny Awards, celebrating the poetic and creative side of the internet.

A useful rundown of New York’s trending race to be the Democrat’s mayoral candidate.

Snoop Dogg cannot stop using AI.

Tom Phillips has been revisiting the disappearance of Dom Phillips and Bruno Pereira in the Javari territory in the Amazon.

Stalin has made a return to Moscow’s metro.

The bosses of a US firm knew the cladding at Grenfell was unsafe – and sold it anyway. Just one of the many shocking revelations in the upcoming Netflix documentary on the disaster.

Paul Caruana Galizia’s family have received some semblance of justice. But Malta still owes them more.

And Finally

Justin Kuritzkes might not be a name you’re familiar with, but you certainly know his work. He is the writer of the film Challengers , and he also wrote Queer starring Daniel Craig. He is also married to the creator of Past Lives, Celine Song. What makes this perfectly talented but not-yet-interesting-to-you person so fun however, is an extensive catalogue of stupid YouTube videos he made back in the day.

Before becoming a bigshot screenwriter, Justin pissed around on Photobooth, uploading the results to his channel. Ridiculously, these have now become a site for analysis from film buffs, searching for meaning in these excellent works of nonsense. In this Letterboxd interview, for example, the interviewer suggests that, ‘the seeds of Challengers are buried underneath the surface of Justin’s old videos. Across his myriad of melodramatic characters you’ll see the same themes of heartbreak, ego and rejection’.

Was this where the man honed his craft? Is it even, perhaps, his most truthful, authentic work? How does one retrace the creative odyssey between this mirror-faced chanted song to an adaptation of a William S Burrows novella? What creative secrets did Kuritzkes glean by pretending to be both a bored Eastern European death metal musician and his overly polite English interviewer? If you make a spoof of a comedy master class, will you also get a Critics’ Choice Award a few years later?

Probably not, but at least we have been left with all of these stupid videos which, after all, are much more interesting than all the things Kuritzkes is actually famous for. Below is definitely his greatest creation. Definitely.

We’ve got a lovely little podcast for you tomorrow, which we’re sure you’ll all enjoy. If you’ve got an issue regarding an order, please email support@the-fence.com. Did you know that the world’s longest-lived woman, Jean Calment, smoked cigarettes until she was 117? Look how happy she is. Until the next time.

All the best,

TF